Every TV theme in the world I could think of, explained!

OK, not really. For something fun on my birthday, I decided to give everybody who wished me happy birthday on Facebook a random TV theme from my childhood, and then admonished them to collect them all. However, since I know te youth of today are lazy and without feck, and I’ve had some comments on the enterprise, and also probably didn’t hit a few here and there due to more people not wishing me happy birthday, here’s the extra expanded version, for those of you what are curious and/or masochistic. And please note, this is going to be long enough already, so I’m missing out some obvious mainstays, particularly in the eighties, e.g. Transformers, The Smurfs. Also, though I mostly picked TV shows I watched, this isn’t really about the TV shows I loved as a kid, it was more about hitting themes that came readily to mind. OK, here we go, in order from first to last for the Facebook stuff:

Ah, Underdog! Cool theme, and Simon Bar Sinister is the villain for me. Plus it’s a super weird joke. Bar sinister means a bar on the left or descending to the left or some such in heraldry, and it could also mean Simon son of Sinister, if he’s Jewish.

Battle of the Planets! Used to watch this when I was about five or so, on “WPHL 17 in Philadelphia”! It was in the beginning of the let’s bring over everything from Japan and reanimate it craze. See also: Marine Boy, Ultra Man, Space Giants. You’ve got your 7Zark7, your fiery phoenix, it’s good stuff!

Aaaaaand Speedracer, of course! “… he’s a demon on wheels. He’s a demon and he’s gonna be chasin’ after someone”. Seriously, what more could you need? This was another after school hit on WPHL.

I think this was technically before my time, but I caught it on what I remember as “Krofft’s Superstars”, but it was apparently called “The Krofft Superstar Hour”. Fun fact: McDonald’s ripped off Pufnstuf! http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1343/was-mcdonaldland-plagiarized-from-the-old-h-r-pufnstuf-kids-tv-show

Hey look, it’s Star Blazers! This is another reworked Japanese show, from the eighties. I swear there were two different versions of this show or something, but I’m too lazy to go look it up. But it had two different overarching plots, I’m pretty sure. In one of them the villain was named Deathlock or something like it, and his minions would chant “Deathlock Deathlock Death Lock”! Grab your wave motion gun kids, we’re leaving mother earth!

Breathes fire, his head in the sky! I’m pretty sure I always thought this said “and stands in the sky”, but still. When I saw this it was called “The Godzilla Super 90”, I’m fairly sure. I don’t remember what everything else was in it, but one of the things was Johnny Quest. Tarzan might have been in this as well.

If you don’t know the Superfriends, then kids, I can’t help you. They were pretty much the reason to get out of bed on Saturday mornings, as far as I was concerned.

Ah, the Bugaloos, heirs to the Beatles and Monkees TV shows. More Krofft goodness. Lost Saucer was good too, and we’ve got one more of theirs coming up.

I’ve got nine simple words for you. Prepare to have this song stuck in your head.

Land of the Lost! And not that new bullshit with Uncle Jack either! Thank you, Krofft brothers.

I don’t think many people remember The Brady Kids, but I do. They had a magical talking bird, called appropriately enough, Marlin the Magic Mynah Bird. I don’t think this show lasted very long, because I’m pretty sure it was also on WPHL 17, and most of the stuff I remember from there was the seventies.

OK, there’s all the Facebook stuff, now let’s hit some more. Somebody, I won’t mention any names, apparently isn’t happy with my selections. She says she doesn’t remember any of them, and when I responded that if she’d grown up here, she would, she responded with “I’m not a boy”. So fine, here’s your damn girlie TV.

Truly truly truly outrageous! She had a computer named Synergy which might have had her dead mother’s voice, although I might be confusing that with the computer from Defenders Of The Earth, she had earrings that were hologram projectors. But they weren’t the first to rock their way into the hearts of little girls via cartoons, oh no no no!

I have no idea what half this song says. And I don’t want to know either. It will probably be stuck in your head too.

Man, Rainbow Bright was a damn ripoff, huh? You call that a theme bitches?

They had enemies called the Grumplins, no idea what they were, and they had things called tickle crystals. Seriously, I’m not making that up. But since they came out of a toy, and you don’t get the truly annoying aspect from that theme, here’s a commercial.

OK, if this keeps up I’m going back to my boy shows, (whoa that sounds really wrong), because this theme sucks!

Wow! OK, I’ll give this dude one thing, he is really really trying! It’s like he’s singing a kids TV theme song but also going “hey divorced moms, I’m a great catch. Call me ladies … your kids already love me”!

Horses can’t smile. Yes, I’m an asshole.

OK, this theme immediately brings up a couple of questions. First, she’s He-Man’s twin sister. I know what he means, and I know what a man is. So she’s She-Ra. I know what she is, but what’s a ra? Also, if I remember my She-Ra correctly, she was kidnapped by Hordak at birth and didn’t know her parents and such until later. So here’s a question. How is it that one day she just up and decided, “you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to hold my sword over my head ans say ‘for the honor of Greyskull!’ I don’t know what that means or anything, but I just feel like trying it”.

What the hell was up with the eighties and bears? Also, they’re building an airship because dreaming of getting into a van would be just a little obvious.

OK, that’s enough of that, here’s stuff I’ve missed or left out for some reason.

I was asked to include this one, and the only reason I didn’t before was because it was really obvious. Fun theme though, and a big part of the eighties for me.

I’m including this not because it was a good show, it was awful, but because nobody remembers the damn thing. But I do, and I will not let the world forget!

This show couldn’t decide if it wanted to be all adventure, or a cross between Speedracer and Transformers. There was at least one whole season where the fights M.A.S.K. and V.E.N.O.M. had occurred because they were in a race together. Like literally they all entered a race at Random Track, and they’d get in a fight during the race, no crime or anything. Cool theme though.

Oh look, it’s a Voltron ripoff! This is another show nobody seems to remember but me.

Finally, before we leave, let’s work in a couple old shows.

I have no idea in the depths of hell what this show was about. I know I used to watch it when I was really little, I know it had other little sub-shows, sort of like Underdog, and that’s about it. I will add that I vaguely remember it having words, but I might be getting that confused with the song. Yes, there’s a song, and it was all about Woody Woodpecker getting layed. Oh, you don’t believe me? Foolish foolish people. There are even multiple versions!

Here’s some jazz for your ass.

And seriously, do not miss this craziness.

Finally, we get to this one. It’s probably hard to believe, but here’s what I got out of this theme as a kid. “Casper the friendly ghost, the friendliest ghost you know, mumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumble”.


2 thoughts on “Every TV theme in the world I could think of, explained!

  1. You know, I’ve seen that show, but it was always part of something else, usually Yogi Bear I think. So I’ve never heard that theme before in my life. It’s pretty crazy though.

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